‘The Magic of a Life Lived in the Spacious Freedom and Fullness of Being’

Edited Excerpt from Rinpoche’s Teachings on the 21 Nails in Wilga, Poland, Summer 2016

Usually when you try to clear obstacles, you put a lot of effort toward trying to control yourself, as well as trying to control someone else. In doing so, you make yourself and everyone else crazy. It just doesn't work. But when you rest and go deeper and connect with yourself, and find that inner sacred space in that moment, then the obstacles begin to dissolve. It is space, and the power of awareness of space, that dissolve the obstacles. Resting in the sacred space helps to clear many things that we wish to clear in our daily life.

Imagine, it's like having a wound, a deep-rooted wound of your ability to relate to someone. As a result you are not able to have a relationship or relate to someone unless that wound is cleared or healed. In every situation of relationship that wound is going to come up. It feels as if you are not even allowed to be close to someone, or you may feel fear in being close to someone, or you may feel a lack of trust with someone. That wound is basically just not allowing it because the space is occupied.

It's as if you are trying to download love, and your screen says “no more space – no more space for love.” That space is occupied already with unlove – with your stories, with your wound. So you can try hard, but it's not going to work. How many times have you been trying to download something when there's no free space? Did it work? No. Sometimes you can try and compress it, to make it fit, to squeeze love, compress love, but it just suffocates. It doesn't work.

However, when the space becomes cleared, then there's no trying, and love just happens. It’s like the first time you fell in love. Did you try? No, it just happened. And in that space, you cannot even not do it. You cannot control it. You cannot stop it. It's powerful, fearless. On the other hand, when you are trying to fall in love a second time, third time, fourth time, fifth time, applying effort, it's actually getting worse and worse. Maybe after so many tries, it feels as if there is no way to fall in love anymore; it’s finished.

I'm not talking about love only. I'm talking about anything – even just the ability to have a genuine open relation to people as a person, as a human being, with no agendas. In that space, be truly conscious of the intention, “I don't want to have any kind of agenda.” Every now and then, if an agenda comes up, you simply delete the agenda and continue the relationship.

Do you see how that kind of beautiful relationship also requires an openness of space? When you feel more clear in that space, it's like having the fresh new soil in which to grow. It's like a new energy. You feel it. It's very open, very clear. You feel some kind of potentiality. Suddenly you may feel some specific qualities are manifesting, like joy, simple, clear, open joy for no reason. It could come when the weather is bad or when the weather is good. It could happen in very strange places, like at the moment of death. It can come anywhere – but it's coming from that source.

Whenever those moments come, it's really important to be conscious of them. These qualities, like joy, are like the flowers of that sacred space – the enlightened qualities. They are virtues. They are seeds of enlightened activity. A seed remains a seed unless it matures and develops, and the only way it develops is when it gets food. Just like a real flower, when it's getting light, it grows. And when it's not getting light down in a dark basement, then it dies. So what is the light that develops these qualities? The light is awareness. You are being aware. It's like noticing someone loves you. That's beautiful. Someone may love you, but if you don't notice, then what is it's effect on you?  The moment you notice, then it has an effect on your heart. You feel it. Those connections are naturally healing, right? The awareness of them is naturally healing.

There are many things like that, like a moment of simple connection to yourself. But we are less conscious of them than we should be. For example, there was an obviously very health-conscious woman seated next to me on a flight that I was taking, and she refused the meal they served on the plane. She made it clear to me that she prided herself in eating only the very healthiest of foods, some of which she had brought along on the flight to eat. Although she obviously worked very hard to be sure to eat only the healthiest of foods, I saw that her energy was very unbalanced and frenetic. So you see, you can try to do so many good things, with so much effort, so much stress, even while trying to be well and healthy. But all of that does not necessarily lead to simple well-being, and well-being is very valuable. Often, though, we are not even aware of the value of our own well-being at all.

So if you have one hour and you use it for meditation, it might be healthier than trying to run across town to get to the best health food store to buy the one specific brand of health food that you are focused on, and in the process getting stressed out at a cashier, and then finally a couple of hours later arriving back home to eat that health food. I don't know how healthy that would be compared to maybe a half hour of beautiful meditation, but I'm quite sure I know what use of time would be better. Of course I'm not saying not to go out and get healthy foods. I am saying there are many situations in our lives where we already have so much right there in front of us, but it goes unseen because we are looking with so much effort to try to get other things, which maybe don't pay off, or whose payback is not what we expect. 

It's very important in life to really establish a commitment toward the things you value and try to minimize the time spent in the search mode – through all the many phases of life. For instance, with regard to relationship, if you really like being in a relationship and you want to have one, then find one and try to stick with it. We can see how most all of them are more or less similar. As long as you know how to work with it, they are more or less the same. With commitment, you can learn to appreciate someone a lot, remember the goodness of someone, and try to do your best in always bringing out the best of that person. Ask yourself, what can I do to bring the best out of that person in this relationship? How can I bring out the gentleness of that person? Obviously, by being gentle yourself. How can I bring out the love in that person? Obviously, by loving more. How can I bring out the kindness of that person? Obviously, by being more kind.

So the commitment in the relationship is about what is the best way that I can bring out the best in my partner. Or, you may not need to find a partner at all. Instead, you may enjoy the freedom of being alone, which is beautiful, too. You don't have to tell anybody where you are going; no need for discussion. If you want to sleep, then you sleep. If you want to go for a walk, then you go for a walk – a beautiful freedom.

The beauty is everywhere, with a partner or without. What I'm saying is not to always be in search mode, even with regard to the dharma. One time I met a nice lady, about 70 years old. You could name any guru and she had met them. She seemed to be a guru-shopping machine. You could see that she was in full-speed search mode, searching for her guru. Finding a teacher or guru is similar to finding a relationship. You have to open your heart, use your intelligence, analyze, feel, connect. If someone makes sense that you find trustworthy, that you can learn enough from, that you can stick with, then commit. In that way, you are not wasting your time. Similarly, a commitment is required if you're trying to really do something or accomplish something, either as a form of business or as a social service. Don't just create something and then that's it; continue on from there, stick with it, follow through. You need a commitment to do that, you see? Only through commitment will it manifest fully.

This is very important, even in our meditation, when you may feel a quality, like joy or love, arising from the space. Be aware of that quality, become familiar with it, and see the value of that and the place in society and in life for that. So you are working with that quality and then manifesting out of that. Coming to see the full manifestation of the quality that you discovered from your meditation requires commitment, and that commitment is very important. In the language of the dharma, that's called trinlé – it means enlightened activity. It means that you manifest something from that quality that arose in meditation. It is activity with the commitment to make manifest that quality.

Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche and his son, Senghe WangyalWhatever you manifest in that way, try as much as possible to be detached from it. That is, be attached only as much as needed, not how much you yourself need it. Just like a parent loving a child –you know as a parent that the best thing to do is to love your children as much as they need your love, and not simply love them as much as you need to love them. You have to approach it that way, or you're in trouble. When you do approach it that way and your children say, “Thank you for your love,” that's when you know that it's enough. Before that point, you need to be careful about how much you are loving them, right? Not only with your children, but in all areas of our life. For me, personally, if someone is trying to help me and I don't want their help, for sure I won't like it. Nobody likes that. It's interfering with one's personal space. But when you do need help, and somebody helps you, you appreciate that. So how do you know when is the right moment to help? By being fully yourself. It's so much fun to be yourself. And when you don't know how to be yourself and you're trying to be someone else, that's when the search engine starts.

So I would like you to think about turning off your internal search engine. How many people turn off their WiFi when they don't need it? Well, do the same with yourself and turn off your internal engine that's always searching for something. Try it! The search engine is off. Roaming is off. Any unnecessary applications that are running are turned off. The screen is turned off. And then our phone is completely in meditation mode – doing so, its lifespan is increasing, for sure. So let's do that, okay?

Of course you know – I'm not talking about the phone, right?  It's easy to go get a phone. But a life is more difficult. There is no 6 Plus or 7 Plus for our life like there is with an iPhone. This is it, isn't it? So do your best to keep it! Take care and keep it well and beneficial.

Learn more about one of the 21 Nails by viewing TWR LIVE pith instructions on the Four Lamps